Cool Hand Luke About to Puke

Because I’ve been thinking so much about Good Friday and Jesus, Easter and all its spiritual significance just naturally popped into my head. But in our house — because we were Presbyterians — Easter was always about the eggs. What should have been a celebration of chocolate bunnies was always a kind of sad day because all we ever got were those hard shell nasty candy eggs that had a shelf life of thirty-three years. Occasionally, we got Peeps but they weren’t so great either.

I did like painted, hard boiled eggs; I can remember decorating them a couple of times but the real trick was hunting those babies down before they started rotting. It was around this time — when we did three straight months of church — that I saw the movie, Cool Hand Luke. While everybody in America was obsessed with the “failure to communicate” line, I was thinking about that egg eating contest. The one where Luke was popping boiled eggs into his mouth like Red Hots.

So I decided to replicate that scene. I got my brother to witness what I thought would be my crowning achievement in life. I took that first egg and what the fuck did I try to do? Swallow it whole, that’s what. So there I was, swallowing and panicking like a Burmese python that took on too big of a family pet. It took about two or three minutes but I absolutely willed it down. Afterwards, I did not emulate Luke’s crucifixion pose but my brother did play Pontius Pilate and whack me on the back a few times.

My brother still laughs — at me, not with me — about that day. I’m still a little sensitive about what a dumbass I was. I’ve tried to do a little revisionist history and tell people that I had trained for the event and had my esophagus in game shape but no one’s buying that.

But still, I swallowed that bastard whole. And no one can take that away from me.

Cool Hand Luke About to Puke

Cool Hand Luke About to Puke

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Published in: on April 11, 2009 at 3:20 am  Comments (1)  
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